A conversation about cars. // Oct 2, 2019

A short story regarding our decision to drive combustion engine vehicles.

From the perspective of people not from here.

Alien 1: We need to discuss their favored mode of transport.

Alien 2: Bipedal appendage movement?

Alien 1: (Sound which could be interpreted as laughter). No, the refined mineral enclosures that they wrap in refined dinosaur remains.

Alien 2: Yes, they refer to this as a “car” (Makes air quotes with what appear to be a close approximation to hands)

Alien 1: Indeed, the “car”. (Makes similar gesture). This favored mode of transport is a testament to the shared mindset of the human species.

Alien 2: Explain.

Alien 1: Refer back to my previous definition of said mode of transport.

Alien 2: Hence referred.

Alien 1: The refined dinosaur remains also serve as a fuel source, beyond simply serving as a hardened aerodynamic shell with aesthetic purposes.

Alien 2: Inventive. They have found multiple uses for refined dinosaur remains.

Alien 1: Indeed. It is also the primary form of lubrication.

Alien 2: They have hardened the remains to form an exterior, and liquified it for both lubrication of internal workings as well as a catalyst for propelling the mode of transport?

Alien 1: This is concise.

Alien 2: Fascinating. Is the exterior impermeable?

Alien 1: It is not. Many perish due to unintended violation of personal space.

Alien 2: Are the liquids safe for consumption?

Alien 1: No. They are volatile and toxic. Many perish due to the refinement process, exposure to said liquids, and to severe changes in the climate from combustion and disposal of said liquids.

Alien 2: The shell will not protect them, and the liquids will terminate their vital functions?

Alien 1: Correct.

Alien 2: And they do not seek to change these variables to aide in their self preservation?

Alien 1: Not in any quantifiable manner.

Alien 2: Why?

Alien 1: Policy put in place by groups of powerful people who have amassed large amounts of “Money”. (See previous notes on “Air Quotes”).

Alien 2: Ah, we have spoken about “Money” before. The small portraits of humans lacking pigmentation whose likenesses are placed on pressed tree fibers?

Alien 1: Yes. The likenesses denote value of some kind.

Alien 2: The systems in which the liquids are managed, do they require interaction by the operator?

Alien 1: Indeed. However, these systems are complicated by lack of standardization, and those with smaller amounts of paper likenesses generally do not have access to tools or facilities in which to perform said maintenance.

Alien 2: The operation of these “cars” appears dangerous. The maintaining of these “cars” is beyond the majority of their species, it would seem. At least they must be simple to operate?

Alien 1: That assumption would also be incorrect. There are separate control systems for velocity, termination of velocity, trajectory shifting, and stationary binding.

Alien 2: This must require the operators complete attention.

Alien 1: I have neglected to mention the controls to the audio entertainment system, so as to elicit a shocked reaction.

Alien 2: I am shocked, as you intended.

Alien 1: I am satisfied with your reaction.

Alien 2: Given this new information, I have a question regarding our attempts to intervene on behalf of this species.

Alien 1: Proceed with your question.

Alien 2: Thank you. Shall we intervene on behalf of their dogs instead?

Alien 1: They are good boys.

Alien 2: Such good boys.


  • Doran